You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
