that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize