but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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