I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
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