I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
