He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
