sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
be right there i have to get my cape
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
