Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
