Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
