I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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