I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the condom got lost in my hair
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
