Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
