3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
