I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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