ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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