and she was petting her beer can
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
