don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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