Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
