in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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