I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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