I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
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I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
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Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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