This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
