I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
