I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize