I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
