which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i came on her dog
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
