The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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