I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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