guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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