She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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