She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
