Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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