thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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