do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
