I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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