dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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