dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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