He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
