Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
