Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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