4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
my liver is dry heaving
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
