I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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