i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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