Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
