The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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