Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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