I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
