i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
