it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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