i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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