drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
