I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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