I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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