in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
