Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
