Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
