Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
