what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
