Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
