I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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