how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
