Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize