He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
