giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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