moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
