dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
