"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
