Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
