Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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