Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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