eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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