yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
