and she was petting her beer can
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
