We're facebook friends in real life
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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