I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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