My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
