I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
