you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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