I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
