He uses pillows to masturbate.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
